"The Manifesto of Magical Creatures in Fantasy"

One night before I sleep an extraordinary memories I thought, because of a friend, I wrote it.
I was Fernand jiro again marantal who wrote the story for you.
thanks ... 

"The Manifesto of Magical Creatures in Fantasy"

by;Fernand jiro marantal

We the collected magical creature of fantasy do herby serve notice that our treatment will change from here on out. We represent a different psychology, sociology and physiology from you. Stop trying to make us fit into your notion what we should be and simply respect our differences. We are not you with different habits and appearances, we are our own entities. And please, stop trying to have sex with us.

First of all, the undead demand to be accurately represented in you works. Let it be known that vampires are no that into you. Stop trying to have sex with them. We don’t know where you got your backwards notions of what they want but let’s get a couple things straight. First, they aren’t all pederasts, and let’s face it, if you are over a thousand years old, all humanity is under aged for you. Plus, even though you may be cute and willing, most of the vampires in the world get bored with sex after a couple hundred years of sexual experience and excess, what are you going to bring to the table, youthful enthusiasm? That’s cute for the first couple years, but having to explain how everything works gets old quickly. Next, they don’t all look like Abercrombie and Fitch models. Your unrealistic expectation of their beauty is giving them complexes. And let us be clear, the last thing in the world you want is a vampire with an eating disorder.

Finally, and most importantly vampires don’t sparkle when exposed to sunlight. Unless, by sparkle, you mean burst into flames and die screaming. And if you do call that sparkling, then frankly, you’re pretty sick.
                Zombies also don’t want to have sex with you. They are just really into you for your brains.
                Second, the so-called half-races, centaurs, merfolk, fawns and naga refuse to allow you to refer to them as, “half human and half,” enter animal here. This reveals your egocentric view of the world. They aren’t half anything, they are all themselves. You don’t hear them say, “Humans are half centaur and half pink dangly thick arm thingies.”
                Also, stop trying to have sex with them. We get it, it’s fun and naughty and after one of them saves you from a dragon or ship wreck or something you feel beholden to them, but stop and think for a second, how would that work? The anatomy either doesn’t work at all or is so far out of proportion that it would either be physically damaging or embarrassingly underwhelming.  
                Also these creatures would also like you to know that they are not the byproducts of sex between humans and animals. If you imply that their mother was a horse or goat, they will kick you very hard with a big hoof.
                Third; wish granters, such as genies, leprechauns and minor gods demand that you get your heads together before you wish. No, you can’t wish for more wishes. You aren’t clever for saying it either. You are like that guy that says, “Well, I guess it’s free then,” when the product he’s trying to purchase doesn’t scan at the register. And get your minds out of the gutters. Honestly, the wishes you come up with would make a satyr blush.
                Next, respect the reality of the situation. To you this is a magical moment when all of your fantasies can come true. To them it’s a job. Think about how annoying it is to have someone marvel over what you do for a living day in and day out, or the uniform you wear day in and day out or how you get to work day in and day out. Same thing for them.
                Finally, stop trying to have sex with them. Just because you were raised with the notion of a submissive who will do anything you want, thanks to some lame show from the sixties, doesn’t mean that you get to be all grabby when they appear. Just because the fifties and sixties told you that was how the power structure worked, doesn’t make it right. Ladies, are you with us?
                Fourth, creatures that live in the subterranean realms such as troglodytes, kobolds and goblins are tired as being thought of uneducated half wits. They are in fact masters of geological knowledge and engineering. See as evidence; the fact that they live under the freakin’ ground. There is no way that a race could evolve under the earth without these areas of expertise. There have been many races that began underground, but never evolved past creating the shovel, because without being able to figure out tunnel shoring, you are just digging you own grave, literally.
                The next time you call someone a troglodyte, you had better be referring to someone making an incredibly intricate subway system.  
                Both goblin and troglodytes, however, thank you for not trying to have sex with them. Kobolds are willing to experiment.
                Finally dragons; the most misunderstood of us all.
They accept that you feel some compulsion to do battle with them, but let’s be honest about the motivation for this. Don’t tell us that you are upset about a few dead sheep or burned fields. We would also argue that the whole virgin sacrifice thing is blown way out of proportion. I mean, what is spring break for you people, other than a one long sacrifice of virginity. Just accept that you want their money.
                Dragons are not greedy. They live for thousands of years. Even at a modest interest rate, that is a lot of money. Also, they aren’t stingy, but you can’t expect a total stranger to be welcome to anything they want. That’s called left.
                In the end, mankind, you will now deal with from now on, by understanding our unique cultures not by trying to make us fit into your culture.
                Also, start thinking above the waist.